When going through divorce, we have a tendency to be fearful about what the future holds for us. For most men, it centers around the uncertainty of what life is going to look like moving forward. Is this just a bad dream?
For many of us, the beginning of a new year symbolizes a clean slate for us to commit or recommit to achieving the things that we want in our lives. It gives us a sense of a fresh start, allowing us to focus on what the future could look like and forgive ourselves for not doing the things we promised ourselves 12 months prior. All the excuses we gave to ourselves and others become void and are no longer relevant as we look forward to starting over.
I'm living proof that you'll get through the tough times. And if you don't believe me, I know hundreds of other men that have got through it too! No it wasn’t easy and it wasn’t an overnight thing either. What I can tell you though is that when my clients have looked back on their journey of healing and self discovery, they see the breakup or divorce as a gift - it was the event that gave them the motivation and the kick up the rear end to start living life again!
In 2010, I went through, what I thought at the time was, my Armageddon. My now ex-wife, the woman I had intended to spend the rest of my life with, wanted something different. I was on my own and I couldn’t imagine how I could possibly make it through in one piece. My divorce was the most painful and emotional experience I have ever been through, yet I now find myself living a whole new powerful chapter in my life that I am truly grateful for.
Does struggling with emotions make you less of a man? I would argue that it makes you human. No matter how you look at it, divorce is an emotional journey and while it’s nothing for us to be ashamed of or embarrassed about, men have a hard time navigating through it. Guys spend much of their time and energy thinking about what went wrong, how life sucks and what to tell their friends and family. They often blame their ex for the breakdown of the marriage, or at times blame themselves for what happened. Many emotional scars are inflicted along the journey and it can be mentally draining and exhausting for everyone.