I'm living proof that you'll get through the tough times. And if you don't believe me, I know hundreds of other men that have got through it too! No it wasn’t easy and it wasn’t an overnight thing either. What I can tell you though is that when my clients have looked back on their journey of healing and self discovery, they see the breakup or divorce as a gift - it was the event that gave them the motivation and the kick up the backside to start living life again!
If I could distill it down to one thing that these men changed to start moving on with their life, it would come down to what meaning they gave to the experience they were going through. Let me give you a personal example.
Max was going through a divorce, and here is what he kept telling himself:
I'm a failure
I'm going to be lonely
My kids are going to hate me
I'm going to be single for the rest of my life
My friends won't want to hang out anymore as they're all married
No women would want to be with a broken divorced man
I'm going to be financially ruined
I'll be living in a tiny apartment as that’s all I can afford
My parents will hate me as I'm the first divorce in our family history
Empowering or what? By mentally telling himself this every day, Max became depressed and saw no positive future for himself.
What he didn’t know was that he was choosing to look at his divorce this way and because Max was choosing to do that, he had an opportunity to choose something different. When he became aware of this, he chose to look at it like this (this was his actual list):
I am free to create anything in life
I am free to do the things I want to do
I can create a new relationship with my kids
I can find a new relationship in time that will blow my mind
I have time to focus on the things that I have put off for years
I can grow from this experience and become a stronger, more determined man
I can help others get through divorce too
I can create financial wealth by taking my finances seriously and create a budget that I stick to
By looking at his divorce differently, Max started to create a new future for himself. He was still going through divorce, the only thing that changed was the meaning he gave it.
So, what new meaning could you give your situation? One that empowers you to move on and love life, or one that disempowers you and keeps you stuck in the story that you relive day in and day out?
Remember, you have your whole life ahead of you. Start living it now!
“Change the meaning, you change your focus and the outcome” - Matthew Ball